


waving through a window

by stqrryniqhts



Series: Iron Son™ [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker is a Mess, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 02:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19862272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stqrryniqhts/pseuds/stqrryniqhts
Summary: "What's up with you, Parker?" Tony says, facing the small boy. "Something has been bothering you, I know there is. Don't think I don't notice the way you act around people, I used to do it too." Tony glances at Pete's shaking hands and sighs a little, wanting to take them into his own.Peter could feel the darkness pressing at the back of his mind as Tony spoke. He knows, Peter panics, he knows, he knows, he knows...





	waving through a window

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't very long bc i wrote this on a bus ride oop  
> enjoy!!

Peter knows how to take precautions. Having social anxiety like his own, he overthinks every single thing he does, down to the tap of his foot. Thoughts of what other people might be thinking split his mind like knives, making it hard to breathe. He suffocates in school, wanting someone to just tell him the right thing to do, the right thing to say. Every word that tumbles out of his mouth is out of order, the stutter in his talk making everything all the worse.

Peter's mind singes under the spotlights that are pointed on top of him. He wants to run, though he is trapped on the stage. Only for moments he can escape the light, and he relishes in it. The feeling of detachment and disassociation is like floating in space, yet it only comes and goes.

He feels as if he's on the outside of a bubble, and he can see the people that are around him everyday on the inside of it. He's on the outside, looking in, trying to get a glimpse on what it's like to have a normal life. He is silently waving, waiting for someone to save him from the nightmare inside his mind. He tries to speak, though no one hears. And as he waits around for an answer to his misery appear, he watches people pass in silence.

Sometimes at times like these, when he's at the compound, he starts to believe that he belongs. But then he does something wrong, like doing the wrong fighting sequences with Ms. Romanoff, or not doing the right chemical mixture with Mr. Banner.

The worst of times when he messes up is when he's with Mr. Stark.

Peter can make the slightest noise when they're silently tinkering together and apologize for it. He can accidentally type the wrong number or do the wrong sequence, and that night he keeps replaying the memory over and over while he tries to sleep.

One of the worst times was when he broke a part of one of Mr. Stark's new suits he was working on. The mentor looked downcast and a little frustrated for a few moments before waving it off and starting again, but Peter felt absolutely terrible. That night he cried so hard, he was sure he had multiple panic attacks.

The one thing Peter does right, is stay quiet. He never mutters a word about how he's feeling, the emotions swirling around in his mind throughout hours of the night. So many ideas and voices pound him all day every day and not letting them loose is slowly starting to eat away at his well being.

He doesn't like it inside the mansion of his mind. The walls are starting to decay around him, and there are certain doors he keeps locked for fear of someone hating him for them. If he opens a certain door, memories and emotions will come flooding out and destroy him like a hurricane. So, he doesn't feel anything at all.

He decides that it's one or the other; either feeling too much, or nothing at all.

Though he chooses the latter, he knows sometimes the emotions surface for the few moments of panic. Peter lets the darkness engulf him whole for minutes most of the times, and it strips him of all senses. The feeling of nothingness lasts and then is gone, leaving him a little more broken than before. But, it seems to be the only way to keep himself grounded, so he lets it happen.

Today is a day to relax. It's Saturday at the compound, and most of the Avengers and Peter are hanging around the living space in silence, either reading or doing things on their phone. The tv is quietly playing in the background when Tony walks in, and he stands in the middle of their little group as if he has an announcement.

Peter tears his eyes from his phone and puts it away, his hands shaking slightly. Tony smiles at him and winks to lighten the mood, before averting his attention to everyone else.

"Today, we are all going to play hide and seek!" Tony says, a little excited. Natasha and Wanda look at each other with a shrug, while Steve just rolls his eyes. "What? You all have nothing else to do! You can't just sit on the couch all day and do nothing."

"You sound like a dad, Mr. Stark." Peter says jokingly while getting up to throw away an apple core. Each step he takes lights up a red flag in his brain, scared he might do something to make them all laugh at him. He safely returns to his seat moments later and marks it as a small victory, though his hands are still shaking quite badly.

Tony eyes glance at them for a moment and go back up, taking note of it. He has noticed little things like that before, the stutter in his kid's voice, the shaky hands and nervous looks, but today he decided he'll try and talk to the boy about it. Peter is a mess of a teenager, Tony'll give him that, but something about him makes it a little different today.

For teams of hide and seek, there is Tony and Peter, Steve and Wanda, and Natasha and Bucky, (who just entered the scene). They took a vote and Bucky and Natasha will count first, since Bucky can't quite remember how to play.

"Alright, count for two minutes and tell Friday to alert us when you're coming." Tony says, then hurries them both to a secret passage Peter has never seen before. The small boy can hardly contain his excitement, forgetting all about the nervous anxiety clawing at his throat.

"Mr. Stark! I didn't know you had secret passages in the compound." Peter's voice cracks when he harshly whispers excitedly as they wind through the small dimly lit hall.

Tony smiles fondly and just keeps going, the kid trailing behind him. "You never asked." The billionaire shrugs.

Peter stays quiet as they pass multiple corridors, finally finding the right one. Tony and Peter have to crouch down and lower their heads to go through the small door, but the inside is big enough for anyone to stand in.

Blankets and little drawings on paper are scattered on the ground, fluffy pillows and a small couch in the corner. A couple of pictures of the Avengers looking like a real family and a few pictures of May and Peter are scattered on the table next to the couch.

Peter looks up from the scene and above his head at the ceiling in wonder, the projection from the A.I. system making the roof over their heads to look like the night sky. Constellations are scattered across the scene, stars twinkling as if it were made just for Peter.

"This is _your_ place?" Peter almost whispers in disbelief. He spins around and faces Tony, seeing his eyes twinkling almost as much as the stars.

"It's your place now, I mean, if you want." Tony says, watching the boy find the small projects scattered on the ground and softly lower himself down. "This is where I, um," Tony clears his throat, starting again, "well, I sometimes come here to calm down, ya know, clear my head." Tony pats the seat next to him for Peter to sit, and he grabs a blanket to set down.

Peter makes his way over next to him, nervous as ever. Is he in trouble? He has to be in trouble. Why else would Tony bring him here? The worst thought comes to Peter but in panic he pushes it away as quickly as he can before the darkness takes over.

"Y-Yeah, sure." Peter stumbles on his words as he sits down next to the mentor, silently cursing himself for stuttering again. Dark thoughts cloud his mind, but the spotlight on him is shining brightly.

"What's up with you, Parker?" Tony says, facing the small boy. "Something has been bothering you, I know there is. Don't think I don't notice the way you act around people, I used to do it too." Tony glances at Pete's shaking hands and sighs a little, wanting to take them into his own.

Peter could feel the darkness pressing at the back of his mind as Tony spoke. _He_ _knows_ , Peter panics, _he_ _knows_ , _he_ _knows_ , _he_ _knows_...

He feels like Tony is picking the lock to the door in the mansion of his mind. He's picking the lock to the room Peter swore he'd never tell about, and now he's not so sure if it should have been locked in the first place.

Tony unlocks the door with his transfixed gaze that is full of emotion, and Peter decides to let him in.

"I'm so scared, Tony." Peter whispers, looking down at his shaking hands, clasping them together as his vision gets blurry. "I always say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing... and I feel like, because of that, no one.. loves me?" The boy lets a few tears fall as Tony sits in shock for a few moments.

Peter, _his_ Peter, thought no one loved him? That he always did the wrong thing? That was _so_ wrong. His son was perfect, and sure he makes mistakes, but he couldn't do anything to make Tony or anyone else stop loving him, not _ever_.

"Pete," Tony sighs, wrapping an arm around him, "we all love you. There's nothing you could ever do to make us stop." Tony lets the small boy curl into him, his shoulders shaking and tears soaking his shirt.

"But I do things wrong. I do it everyday, and I'm so- sorry." Peter shakes his head and hiccups, clutching fist fulls of Tony's shirt, needing the warmth to surround him before the darkness does. The hot tears fall and Peter just lets it all go.

"You don't have to be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong." Tony whispers, holding him tighter.

The spotlight in Peter's mind dims, and instead of a scorching hot burn it becomes warm, almost like a summer breeze. He believes Tony's words for a few moments, and it feels good.

It feels good to let go, and the hurricane is starting to calm. He takes shaky and shallow breaths, still closing his eyes in fear that this all may be a dream. And though he realizes the aftermath of a hurricane is much worse, he decides the cleanup can wait, for right now it's calm, and that was all that he needed.

**Author's Note:**

> i completely forgot about the game of hide and seek at the end oops sorry, might add to this later idk


End file.
